What Endings Means As Used Here


Sometime after the old story begins to loosen, whether it’s about retiring, family changes, or physical changes, . . . things that once worked start to fail quietly.

Not all at once.

Not catastrophically.

Just enough to be noticed.

Then ignored.

Then noticed again.

Roles that had carried weight for decades grow lighter, then awkward, then hollow.

Certainties thin.

Effort produces less return.

The familiar moves stop landing the way they used to.

At first, this feels like a problem to solve.

Most of us were trained that way.

If something stops working, we adjust.

If a role loses power, we reinforce it.

If meaning fades, we double down on purpose.

But, this time, doubling down does not help.

What is happening does not respond to improvement.

It does not want optimization.

It does not want encouragement.
It wants something to end.

That realization comes slowly, and then all at once.

Looking back, it becomes clear there were several such endings . . . more than a few.

Enough changes in enough areas of life to change the ground we thought was solid.

Each one arrives disguised as inconvenience or failure or fatigue.

Each one asks to be managed . . . and each one resists management.

A capacity relied on for years slips away.

A way of being respected no longer applies.

A sense of usefulness evaporates without explanation.

These moments aren’t clearly losses at the time . . . . so they get treated as problems . . . and that makes things worse.

Only in hindsight does it become clear that something more fundamental has been happening.

Not change in the ordinary sense . . . not transition . . . not reinvention.

It is something closer to death . . . not physical death . . .

Not emotional collapse.

Identity death . . . the passing away of things that we always took for granted . . . that we thought were us.

Leaving us with an obvious, but very difficult question: If these things that we thought defined us aren’t true anymore, then who the heck are we now?
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When we reach the multiple thresholds that appear as we enter the last third of our lives, it rarely looks dramatic from the outside. Seems simple enough, but like so many simple things, it isn’t necessarily easy.

A job has ended. A marriage has shifted. Our bodies are giving notice that things are changing. A parent dies. Long‑held roles are shifting.

And, many of us get the sense that the ground under our feet isn’t the same ground we’ve been walking for decades.

Thresholds are the in‑between spaces . . . the places where we’re no longer who we were, but not yet who we’re becoming.

This can feel disorienting, but this is where we have to stand still and let the fog clear. As old habits lose their grip, we can look at our options with more honesty now than ever before.

What do we want the rest of our lives to stand for?

The temptation at this point is to rush. It is, after all, uncomfortable to not know where we are and where we are going . . . and it’s right where we need to be right now.

This is where we have to trust that all the ups and downs, wins and losses, wise and dumb choices of the years that got us here will point us in a right direction.

This section is an effort to gather stories, reflections, and tools to get through these crossings with some degree of sanity and peace. Do not expect advice shouted from a mountaintop. I haven’t got that, the advice I mean. And, if I thought I did, it would be pretty dumb to say it would apply to you.

What We Mean by Endings
Every man reaches a point where the old story no longer fits. Careers close. Roles shift. Friendships thin out. The things that once defined us don’t hold the same weight. These endings aren’t failures — they’re signals that something new is asking for space.What We Mean by Endings
Every man reaches a point where the old story no longer fits. Careers close. Roles shift. Friendships thin out. The things that once defined us don’t hold the same weight. These endings aren’t failures — they’re signals that something new is asking for space.

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