What Endings Means As Used Here


Sometime after the old story begins to loosen, whether it’s about retiring, family changes, or physical changes, . . . things that once worked start to fail quietly.

Not all at once.

Not catastrophically.

Just enough to be noticed.

Then ignored.

Then noticed again.

Roles that had carried weight for decades grow lighter, then awkward, then hollow.

Certainties thin.

Effort produces less return.

The familiar moves stop landing the way they used to.

At first, this feels like a problem to solve.

Most of us were trained that way.

If something stops working, we adjust.

If a role loses power, we reinforce it.

If meaning fades, we double down on purpose.

But, this time, doubling down does not help.

What is happening does not respond to improvement.

It does not want optimization.

It does not want encouragement.
It wants something to end.

That realization comes slowly, and then all at once.

Looking back, it becomes clear there were several such endings . . . more than a few.

Enough changes in enough areas of life to change the ground we thought was solid.

Each one arrives disguised as inconvenience or failure or fatigue.

Each one asks to be managed . . . and each one resists management.

A capacity relied on for years slips away.

A way of being respected no longer applies.

A sense of usefulness evaporates without explanation.

These moments aren’t clearly losses at the time . . . . so they get treated as problems . . . and that makes things worse.

Only in hindsight does it become clear that something more fundamental has been happening.

Not change in the ordinary sense . . . not transition . . . not reinvention.

It is something closer to death . . . not physical death . . .

Not emotional collapse.

Identity death . . . the passing away of things that we always took for granted . . . that we thought were us.

Leaving us with an obvious, but very difficult question: If these things that we thought defined us aren’t true anymore, then who the heck are we now?
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Ask most doctors why men over 60 struggle, and you’ll get the same answers: blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, arthritis.

All true. But not the whole truth.

The real struggle isn’t what shows up in your bloodwork. It’s what doesn’t show up at all.

At the recent World Conference of Family Doctors in Lisbon, experts from around the globe said the same thing in different words: aging is not just a medical condition. It’s a human condition.

Beyond Pills and Charts

Dr. Leon Geffen of Cape Town put it bluntly: “People are living longer, but the years lived without disability are not keeping up.” The real problem isn’t access to care—it’s quality of care. Too many interventions miss the point.

Why? Because they treat men like a cluster of diagnoses, not as whole people with hopes, fears, and responsibilities.

That’s where the World Health Organization’s ICOPE protocol comes in. Instead of measuring only numbers, it screens for five areas:

  • Mind (cognition)

  • Mobility (movement and fall risk)

  • Vitality (energy)

  • Senses (hearing and vision)

  • Mood (psychological well-being)

And here’s the kicker: it asks what matters most to you. Not just what the doctor wants to fix.

The 5Ms: A Simpler Way

In the Philippines, where geriatricians are scarce, they’ve boiled this down to something called the 5Ms model:

  • Mind – memory checks

  • Mobility – fall risk

  • Medications – simplify the pillbox

  • Multi-complexity – acknowledge caregiver stress

  • Matters Most – your priorities, not just the doctor’s

That last one is the secret ingredient. Because the real reason so many men over 60 struggle isn’t just declining health… it’s losing control over their own story.

Health vs. Humanity

Dr. Roshni Ganguly from India shared the case of a 78-year-old man caring for a sick wife. His numbers—blood sugar, blood pressure—were important. But his environment, fatigue, and loneliness mattered just as much.

This is what most healthcare systems miss: aging isn’t about surviving. It’s about continuing to live with dignity, connection, and purpose.

What This Means for You

For men like us, the enemy isn’t only arthritis, hypertension, or blood sugar. The enemy is invisibility—being reduced to a chart, a patient ID, or “the old guy” who needs managing.

The truth? You are not a diagnosis. You are still a man with things that matter. Your story. Your independence. Your place in the world.

That’s why the best medicine isn’t always found in the pillbox. Sometimes it’s found in the questions that start with: What matters most to you right now?

What We Mean by Endings
Every man reaches a point where the old story no longer fits. Careers close. Roles shift. Friendships thin out. The things that once defined us don’t hold the same weight. These endings aren’t failures — they’re signals that something new is asking for space.What We Mean by Endings
Every man reaches a point where the old story no longer fits. Careers close. Roles shift. Friendships thin out. The things that once defined us don’t hold the same weight. These endings aren’t failures — they’re signals that something new is asking for space.

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