The Pause Button

🧠 Gray Matters Weekly

A calm, conscious companion for men 60+ facing life’s second act.

🔧 The Pause Button

Ever say something sharp before you even realize you’re upset?

It might happen during an argument, a phone call, or even in line at the grocery store. That flash of irritation, that automatic response—it can leave behind a ripple of regret. But what if you had just a few extra seconds?

🛠️ The Tool: The Pause Button

The Pause Button is a mental habit: before reacting—especially when triggered—pause for just 3 slow breaths. That’s it.

Here’s how to practice it:

1. Notice the trigger. Tight chest, rising voice, clenched jaw—your body always gives you a heads-up.

2. Name it internally. Say to yourself: “This is . anger ... frustration… impatience ,,, pride …  or whatever”

3. Take 3 full breaths. Just noticing the pathway of the air in and out.

4. Respond—or walk away. Only after the breaths, choose your next move.

This isn't about stuffing your feelings. It's about giving your wiser self a moment to show up.

🧠 Why It Works

When we react quickly, the amygdala (your brain’s threat detector) reacts very quickly to what might be a dangerous the situation. The Pause Button lets your prefrontal cortex (the reasoning part) catch up and decide what to do next.

Pausing helps:

• Interrupt emotional spirals.

• Decrease shame after conflict.

• Make room for thoughtful words instead of sharp ones.

With time and repetition, this 3-breath pause becomes second nature.

🪞 Try This This Week

Notice one moment this week when your gut reaction is to snap or shut down.
Instead, try the Pause Button. Even if it’s messy, even if you do it late—notice the shift.

🧶 From Me to You

When I first practiced this, I usually remembered after I snapped. But gradually, I caught it earlier—like watching a slow-motion replay of my own patterns. That’s when real change started.

Ever tried something like this before—or have your own method of pausing?
I’d love to hear how it goes.

— John